Be Better, Not Bitter

“You can come out of tragedy and difficult circumstances two ways, bitter or better, it’s really your choice.”

“LeJem”

Natalie Cole

Quote source: Natalie Cole on Oprah Winfrey 1996 (Youtube published date10/4/21)

Stock photo source: picsofcelebrities.com

Have you ever had a trying situation in life that changed you forever? As a baby, I was taken away from my biological mother and adopted. My siblings and I were separated and needless to say, we all had what some may call a rough start in life. Fortunately, about twenty years later, my biological family and I were reunited and as the song says, “it felt so good.” When I first had the opportunity to reconnect and get to know my siblings, it seemed as though the majority of us were just so grateful to be back together again. Although there were many circumstances from our past that were difficult to recover from, most of us had been able to reconcile with them and were hopeful for the future as we looked forward to the possibility of building a bond that would last for years to come. Unfortunately, we all noticed that there was one sibling who was still struggling from the past and just couldn’t seem to let it go. This pained me because their disposition hindered the progress of building the bond that my other siblings and I were willing to create. Every time we made plans to connect with one another, this particular sibling would decline and bring up something negative to say about the circumstances of the years prior, almost as an excuse to not embrace the second chance that we were all given and most of us were happy to have. Although the rest of us were excited about taking advantage of our new opportunity to connect, despite the delay, this sibling was not and only focused on the delay itself and all the reasons that caused it. Though we would’ve loved for them to come around and take part in the joy of creating memories, we understood that we would just have to do it without them because they unfortunately had allowed their circumstances to make them bitter and were unable to move forward with a hopeful attitude. 

We all have a story and have experienced some things that have totally rocked us to the core, however, we have a choice in how we decide to allow those experiences to affect us as we carry on with the rest of our journey. We can either make the choice to learn from the experience and continue to thrive with a positive attitude or we can allow it to be an excuse as to why we decide to move throughout life negatively and keep us from all that life has to offer. Now, don’t get me wrong, there are definitely situations that are beyond difficult to digest and deal with and honestly, we may not ever be able to fully get over them and that’s ok. We are all human, however we must recognize that at some point, when we are able, we will have to recover and continue with life the best way we can, and when we do, we must remember to try our best to recover with grace. In order to recover with grace it is important to consider that it may take some time to really evaluate and come to terms with how the negative experience has affected us and in doing so, assess our feelings and acknowledge how the experience has changed our previous outlook and or understanding. If we don’t take that time to put things into perspective, we can jeopardize our healing which can ultimately lead to being bitter.

So how can we avoid becoming bitter so we can just simply be better? Well, I’m glad you asked. Other than taking the time needed as mentioned above, it is also important to actually be able to forgive. This can mean forgiving the situation within itself as there may not be anyone to specifically blame for what has occurred. Some things just happen for no apparent rhyme or reason unfortunately, and although it may seem easier to point the finger at someone, that may not always be an option so forgiving what has actually transpired is key to being able to move forward in a product way. If there is a person or people that we feel should be blamed, which at times can include ourselves, it is also extremely pertinent to forgive, not for them, but for us. Yes, un-forgiveness can harden our hearts and lead us to being bitter while whoever we are upset with continues to live their lives so forgiveness is crucial. I know that this may sound weird, however, in my opinion, a main aspect in not becoming bitter due of an unfortunate situation can partly be related to our attitude and mind set. We all know the infamous question “why me?” Well, I like to say “why not me?” Obviously, it is not fun to have to go through a trying situation, however, I like to think of them as an opportunity for a future testimony for someone else so I try to approach the circumstance with a grateful mentality. This perspective allows me to handle the situation better as a whole, operate in patience and come from a place of compassion which in turn leaves little room for bitterness to dwell. Speaking of dwelling, if we don’t harp on the circumstance that has occurred and we are able to focus on other positive areas in our lives, no matter how small, it helps in aiding us to not allow the adverse experience to take over and continue to play out in our minds. When we make a conscious effort to pay attention to all of the good there is no room to be bitter.

In all, being blinded by bitterness is dangerous for our mental health and can paralyze our ability to receive blessings from flowing through our lives. Yes, we are all different and handle things in our own unique ways the best way that we know how, however, we are all the same in the way that all of us go through challenges in our lives, some harder than others. Regardless of the challenge, one of the best ways to ensure a better life is to simply make the choice. As the meme says, “You get better by being better; not being bitter. Bitterness is an attachment to the past, being better is an investment in your future.” I hope you choose wisely.