“You Got Change For That?”
“Be fearless and be the change you want to see…if you’re really trying to make a change create the space and initiate what needs to happen.”
“Baby Jem” Kofi Siriboe
Quote Source: Kofi Siriboe talks lack of African presence in Hollywood & being sexualized after “Girl Trip” (Hollywood Unlocled) (Youtube published date 12/17/20)
Stock image photo: people.com
How many times have we encountered something that we didn’t necessarily like and on one hand felt the need to complain about, yet on the other hand didn’t bother to offer a suggestion for a solution to change it? Growing up, I attended an all black elementary school for 2 years where one of their main missions was to instill Black Pride into the students. They wanted to insure that we not only knew the importance of where we came from but also respected it. Because of this, the curriculum was not only geared towards the usual European viewpoint like the majority of schools are, but was mainly focused on the African American experience. One of the classes that was able to take full advantage of this was my history class. There were many times that we were given assignments to research prominent African Americans in our community so we were not only aware of their accomplishments, but also understood that there was no excuse. As the saying goes, “if they could do it, then so could we.” I remember having so many examples of what is now called “black girl magic” & “black boy joy” that I was continuously inspired. Subconsciously, what I learned from those history projects have stayed with me throughout my life and have influenced me tremendously.
In 2014, when Dr. Maya Angelou and Ruby Dee passed away exactly two weeks from one another it hit me hard. My memory brought me back to my previous history class and I was quickly reminded of the exceptional representation that I had. I was deeply saddened by their deaths, especially because we were losing so many of our true “greats” of our lifetime, but I was also extremely upset with my generation. I thought, “who do our babies have to look up to?” With the rise of what we have coined “ratchet TV” along with the already prevalent negative narrative that is usually portrayed in the media, my spirit was moved to action. I worried that the children coming up after me were being so desensitized by the daily, unfavorable accounts that were being flooded in their environment, weather that be in their neighborhoods, in the news or in the mindless entertainment that they were being exposed to. Now, don’t get me wrong. I am definitely guilty of complaining about something that I didn’t approve of, and I’m also guilty of not doing anything about it, even if I could and even if it was important to me, so I get it, but this time was different. Regardless of how small it was, I knew I had to do something and thus the initial seed for “Jem Drops” was planted.
There are two options that we can choose regarding the idea of not being happy about something, we can complain or we can come up with a solution and change it. It’s true, it’s much easier to just complain, but what good does that really do? Constantly complaining has a way of seeping into our being, causing us to subconsciously give off a pessimistic spirit and we all know there’s nothing pleasant about that. Complaining takes away our opportunity to acknowledge the positive in situations which can in turn keep positivity from showing up in our lives and it also wastes time and energy that could be spent actually finding a solution to the problem. Now, let’s just pause for a second. I do understand that it is totally necessary to be able to vent every now and then. Sometimes things just happen and we need to get our frustrations out, there’s nothing wrong with that, we are all human. However, it becomes a problem if we complain and vent in every single circumstance.
So, how do we ensure that we don’t become an avid complainer? Well, I think it starts with making a conscious effort to take a beat when something arises that we don’t agree with or makes us feel uneasy. In doing so, we are able to assess the situation and why it may be causing us to feel the way that we do in the first place. There may be times that our discontentment with a situation has absolutely nothing to do with the actual situation, but all to do with our own personal issues or hang ups. If that is the case then hopefully we can recognize the core of our desire to complain and redirect it towards figuring out how to work on what’s really bothering us. This way we end up avoiding complaining altogether. Also, if we are able to train ourselves to take a step back before beginning to complain, we may be able to see things from a different perspective. We are not always privy to all the moving parts in a situation, and its easy to just begin complaining, however if we stop to see things from a different viewpoint we minimize our potential wrongful judgement and if there is something that we still don’t agree with, we will be able to come from a more constructive and productive place to voice our valid concerns. Focusing on the solution to change the situation also is a useful way to ease up on complaining.
The second and probably the most important aspect of dealing with adverse conditions is actually taking the initiative to make the change. This is absolutely easier said than done because it requires a level of leadership, commitment and courage, but it is definitely possible. As it relates to finding solutions to circumstances in an effort to abandon complaining, we must be a leader and first take action. That means, making a plan starting with brainstorming on possible ideas that will practically and productively adjust the situation. Once that’s complete we must now follow through which is the commitment piece, putting our plan into motion so that we can finally experience the change that we want to see. While putting forth work to make the change is important, one other idea to consider is that part of the change can start from within us. This can simply mean being an example to others in showing them an alternative way of responding to difficult circumstances. We are unfortunately so accustomed to seeing the usual negative reactions from others, and at times ourselves, that we don’t entertain the possibility of a better way. That’s where the courage comes in, inspiring change can easily be us showing the better way, even if it's not popular.
As Australian monk, Ajahn Brahm states, “Complaining is finding faults, wisdom is finding solutions.” At the end of the day, influencing change can be a bit intimidating, and as we all know we can’t change everything. But, if we are willing to do our part, no matter how small it may seem, we can best believe that sooner or later a change is going to come.