“Don’t Hate”
“Sometimes folks will blow out someone’s candle so that theirs can shine brighter…it’s like trying to diminish someone, and misery loves company…always know that you’re shining no matter what anyone says about you.”
“Living LeJem” Patti Labelle
Quote Source:OWN Oprah’s Masterclass-Season5Episode 5
Stock photo image”openingnightsfsu.edu
Have you ever had a hater in your life? You know someone who didn’t have anything positive to say when you told them about your goals or accomplishments? When I relocated back home from Atlanta, I stayed with a family member while working to get myself back on my feet. After going through a few interviews that all ended up falling through, I finally landed a job that I felt was a great fit for me. I began planning the next step which was to move into my own place. When I approached my family member about my plans of moving, I was taken aback by how they responded and a little disappointed that they didn't seem happy that I had intentions to leave. “Well, you won't be able to find a place that you will be proud of" they stated. I responded back to them, “well, I know I'll be proud of wherever I move because it will be a goal that I was able to accomplish.” It almost came across by their response, that they were trying to discourage me from leaving and stagnate my growth. I'm sure that their true purpose wasn't to deter me or put me down, but it surely seemed as such and it was evident that there may have been something that possibly struck a cord within themselves that made them evaluate where they were in their own life. Needless to say I was eventually able to move into my own place, one that I absolutely loved and was truly proud of, and may I add they ended up loving as well. That experience made me more cautious with what I chose to tell them concerning my aspirations and also helped me realize that everyone is not going to be happy for me or the decisions that I make in my life. I learned first hand that I must be more guarded with not only what I share, but also how much I share with certain people.
I've always wondered why some people hate on others so much. Many times people don't even realize that they are in fact criticizing others because they do it so often that it becomes second nature to them, but why? I believe that courage has a lot to do with it. There are a lot of people that are dissatisfied with their lives who don't have the courage to do anything about it. Instead of making the necessary steps in becoming happy, they opt to take the easy way out and try to shed a negative light on others who have the audacity to take ownership of their happiness and success. When someone chooses to attempt to shed a negative light on someone else they are in all actuality shedding a negative light on themselves which in turn corrupts their character, making them what we call a "hater". When someone is hating on you realize that you must be doing something right. People usually don't hate on others that aren't successful or not doing things that they wish they had the courage to do themselves.
One possible reason that people hate on others or try to portray them in a negative manner is because they may be fearful of their own light. This may stem from their insecurities and how they relate them to being successful. There is a price to pay for successful: sacrifice, responsibility, accountability and consistency and none of these should be taken lightly. Some people simply aren't willing to pay that price. Perhaps they are too lazy, or too afraid to follow through because of what maintaining success entails, however when they see someone else handling it with grace it is a reminder that they have made a different choice and now are not only regretful, but also threatened. A common defense mechanism to combat those feelings is to hate on that person because it makes them feel better about the situation that they have created. So you see, if you are being hated on it has nothing to do with you and it shouldn’t be taken personally. With this approach, you won’t be disheartened by what others say or try to project on you.
So how do you handle a hater? There’s the obvious solution of just ignoring them and going about your business or as they say "making your haters your motivators" which implies proving them wrong by making sure that you accomplish everything that they said you wouldn't be able to do. Regardless of what you choose, the most important thing to remember is to simply block out the nay-sayers and stay focused on your path to success. Its true, there have been times that we all have hated on someone to some degree, however if we are able to be honest and take inventory to confront our negative feelings and why we feel the need to be less than favorable to someone we will be able to change our mindset and use other peoples successes as inspiration to get our acts together and get focused on our own path of accomplishing our goals.
There will always be someone that will not be happy for you no matter how successful you become or how much you are able to accomplish. As singer Justin Bieber has said, "haters are just confused admirers.” Think about it, have you ever come in contact with a hater that was doing better than you, of course not, because successful people don't have time to hate. They're too busy shining. So don't ever shade someones light and don’t ever let anyone shade your shine!